Honestly

I’m scared

I’m terrified these feelings will always linger

Tucked away in a hidden place

So far away from everyone around me

But so clear to the world , it’s who I am?

It’s how I look , act , sound , feel?

Is it all wrong?

Was I made too uniquely?

Do I have to become someone else to be set fully free?

What if I can do it, I can get married , have the kids?

What if I fail at it?

What if it all falls apart because these feelings always linger in the depths of my heart?

The what if makes me forget how to breathe..

I can’t push through

I don’t want to fight

I just want to be me, it’s who I am?

Yet even though all this exists

You call me yours, daughter, pure and spotless.

You say I have a voice, it’s who I am!

I can use my pain, even in the midst of it, for your good and glory.

I will be victorious

It’s who I am!

I was made for more.

When I feel five feet deep in the dirt,

The grimy , unforgiving dirt,

You reach out your hand , Jesus

And you call me to stand up and say

I was made for a reason, it’s who I am!

When I want so badly to go ahead and give up, to quit, to run my car off into the ditch, you say keep going straight.

You’ll see the light one day.

The light I put inside of you, my Child.

It’s who I am!

I’m never too messy to be yours.

So I’ll get back up going head first into the mess of life, knowing you’ll stay by my side, no matter how hard the world gets, I’ll stay pure in your eyes, because you define my heart, my future, my goals and dreams.

I don’t have to have all the answers to be free. I’ll live in freedom fully surrounded and surrendered to the one who made me for more than my fears , it’s who I am!