There in the darkness I laid my head, weary and broken within, I chose to try and take my last breath… I had written letters to those I was going to leave behind, took the pills and tears fell down my eyes onto my bathroom floor. For so long I had been contemplating that very moment, alone in my head. Or so I thought, Yet I was never alone. He caught all my tears and wrapped me in his warm embrace as I passed out on that very floor.. He graciously woke me up, and called me to repent and confess. From there I went to a mental hospital still, scared and confused. I wanted to run from my problems and the torments of ptsd that was constantly consuming me. Yet, he was still faithful in pursuing my heart. As hard, painful, triggering, lonely, and scary that kind of a place to be in was, he continued to meet with me daily. His presence isn’t confined by a building or set of rules, his door is always wide open. His mercies are new every morning. What a lovely miracle it is to have breath in our lungs. a miracle that we likely take for granted. So anew I chose to lean on the maker of heaven and earth. He is the ultimate rescuer. Though I am not sure what life will look like on this side of heaven, I choose to believe that his plans for me are good. There will be many of dark days ahead but my makers arms are wide open to receive my pain. I’m living blessed in the image of God. A testimony of many parts, all for his glory, I know he will continue to redeem. Death has no hold on me, because my saviors word has all authority. I will loudly and boldly declare that over my life, protected by the God who sees.
If you are struggling with mental illnesses, please know you’re not alone. Jesus loves you beyond measure. In his perfect timing he will come through to save and redeem. Restoration is meant for all , no matter how big our worries seem, nothing can outweigh the cross.
A girl who’s seen it all, wonderfully redeemed 